What should i do?

i am getting conscious about my writing here. everyone seems to have very good writing skills...i dont think i do so i hope that you bear with me if a blog gets a little confusing.

it's hard to express how i feel right now since i got a call from my current bf last night. he was very mad at me because his mom started confronting him (or according to him, his mom "attacked" him) a bout his drinking. a few months before he went to visit his mom in oregon on 11/15/06, we got into a huge argument because i was getting tired of his drinking every single night so i told his mom. i dont know what to do with him anymore. he says that he is a very private person. well, i guess he really isnt meant to be in a relationship.

back in 2001, this current guy in my life and i met online. then, we started dating. i didnt know him much then but i thought he's really cute and weird. he was 20 then and i was 22. we moved in together in late 2002. the first two years was not so good since we were still adjusting with each others ways. then he moved to vegas in 2003 to see if he can try out his luck but came back in 2004. he encouraged me to buy a house since the housing prices were skyrocketing that i may not eventually be able to afford one. so i did. i was able to buy a condo in sacramento. so we moved there in spring of 2005. a year later, my mom's health started to deteriorate due to complications of her diabetes, she now is undergoing dialysis. She is still OK...there are good days and bad ones.

Being the most reliable person among my siblings, she relies on me in terms of transportation to her md appointments, picking up her meds, etcetera, without much whining. she said that she feels more comfortable with me than with my sisters. then, i felt the pressure of moving closer to where she lives. and so we did. we moved out of my condo in sacramento and moved back to the bay area. i managed to get my work transfer me around the bay, too. so that was excellent!

So, even while we my current bf and i were living in sac, he was still drinking. out of loneliness i guess since i was gone most of the day and he was just home where theres nothing much to do. maybe im just really sick and tired of trying to understand his situation. his condition of maybe depression, loneliness, aloofness from society, etcetera, that i started to ignore how he is. but i am really really sick and tired of dealing with it so i told his mom.

So many many times i tried to encourage him and talk to him into seeing a doctor to control his depression and anti-socialness, to go to the dentist to have his teeth cleaned, take advantage of his medical and dental insurance, to get well so he can sleep better at night, seek help, etcetera....and he did go once. the doctor gave him some sort of sleeping pills that are non-addictive. he tried it for months but then after that, its back to drinking again. he is afraid that he'll get addicted to these meds if he starts taking them. i think the root cause of that fear is due to him witnessing as a kid his dad and brother getting addicted to all sorts of drugs that you can name and these are prescription drugs....narcotics, tranquilizers, sedatives...his dad got into a severe work injury and his brother hanged out with the wrong crowd. He probably never was able to deal with his fears. His mom was too busy taking care of his other brother and herself that she wasnt able to explain a lot of things to him. Soooo depressing!!!!

I'll stop analyzing his behavior now because it doesnt do any good. He'd rather be homeless than do something about his dis-ease. I'm just his girlfriend and i can only do so much. He needs to help his self too but it seems too much of an effort for him....or maybe he just doesnt want to get better. I think that his decision of not wanting to get better makes me worthless in his life. I dont know how else I could be of help. Can you believe that he'd ather be homeless than do something about his life?!?!? I am soo mad!

Now, should I feel guilty about all this? Should I feel bad if I drop him off to the nearest shelter after I pick him up from the airport when he comes back from oregon? Should I even pick him up??? Or just let him be homeless at the airport...maybe security will kick him out, huh? This is all so sad. I normally would help but Ive had it!! I dont deserve him.

A good friend once asked me why I keep telling his mom that I might be kicking him out soon if he doesnt make an effort, etcetera....I told her that I dont want him to be homeless...but it seems like its coming down to it anyway. I am just soooo sad. I dont know what to do now.